Home > Satire > Drinking A Cup of Water Backwards Cures Hiccups Claims Ahmadinejad

Drinking A Cup of Water Backwards Cures Hiccups Claims Ahmadinejad

The revelation that Hiccups can potentially be cured by drinking a glass of water backwards is only one of the many shocking claims put forward by the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. In an interview given shortly after his notorious speech to the UN, the President was eager to expose this miracle cure that, he suggested, had been “suppressed for generations by the United States Government” in an attempt to reverse the failing American economy and save the Zionist Regime in Israel. Although this claim was incredible enough in itself Ahmadinejad did not stop there. From his own, careful research Ahmadinejad said that he was now able to prove that carrots can make you see in the dark, the Moon landings were a hoax, JFK was in fact shot by Big-Foot and Princess Diana is alive and well living on Mars with Elvis. Furthermore the Iranian President argued that this information had been kept from the public by the American secret service in order to preserve the position of the United States in the Middle East. Doubt was cast on the veracity of this information, however, when Ahmadinejad went on to explain that this knowledge was well known throughout the world and that his opinions were generally held to be fact and shared by almost everyone, ever. In a final statement the President warned attending journalists of the dangers of walking under ladders and to be wary of America’s de facto ruler, Chuck Norris. With a last wave to the cheering crowds Ahmadinejad departed in his flying saucer.

These new revelations come after Ahmadinejad’s eye-opening speech to the UN earlier this week. Speaking to a packed theatre he was able to finally expose the well-known secret that the September 11th bombings had in fact been orchestrated by the United States government. Although this carefully researched theory is not yet widely known it is supported by “The majority of the American people as well as most nations and politicians around the world”. While some, more narrow-minded, individuals may disagree with this view nobody can deny that the sudden and suspicious departure by the American delegation during the speech only served to betray the truth of Ahmadinejad’s words. With this knowledge now out in the open the world can only watch with baited breath to see how America will respond.

Raphael Nonverum

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Categories: Satire Tags: ,
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